English Jokes : Home Page Page No : 5
1) A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way.
The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00
last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital,
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.
3)Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC
Arab: Now I have your blood.
For sreesanth Kerala govt give 2rupees ration rice.
Mom:Well.I told u about my side of family & He told U abt his.
Prisoner: I have broken a window on my job place.
Convicts: It's unbelievable! Where did you work?
Prisoner: On a submarine.
1) A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way.
The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00
last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital,
and it's not covered by healthcare. Second,
I had five kids through three divorced marriages.
Third, my sister's husband suddenly died
and she has no one to support her four children..."
"I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money,
"I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money,
why should I give you any?"
"Hi. Jimmy won't be able to come to school all next week," replies the voice.
2) The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school.
"Hello, this is Dunn Elementary," answers the principal. "Hi. Jimmy won't be able to come to school all next week," replies the voice.
"Well, what seems to be the problem with him?"
"We are all going on a family vacation," says the voice, "I hope it is all right."
"I guess that would be fine," says the principal. "May I ask who is calling?"
"Sure. This is my father!"
"We are all going on a family vacation," says the voice, "I hope it is all right."
"I guess that would be fine," says the principal. "May I ask who is calling?"
"Sure. This is my father!"
3) Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go.""Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
4) Three men, an Scot, and an English man and a sumo wrestler
were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The Scot jumped off and shouted ''God save Scotland!''
The English man jumped off and shouted ''God Save England!'
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted
''God save the person who I land on!''
5) Santa once wanted to transfer some files form one PC to another.
Following was the steps followed by him.
1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.
3)Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC
where he wanted to copy that file.
4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the PASTE option.
Sardar Ji shouted: "Laloo, your daughter Sweety is badly injured in accident".
Not knowing what to do, the young man jumped from his office window
4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the PASTE option.
6) A young man was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor.
A Sardar Ji came running. Sardar Ji shouted: "Laloo, your daughter Sweety is badly injured in accident".
Not knowing what to do, the young man jumped from his office window
in panic to go as-early-as-possible.
While coming down when he was near tenth floor,
While coming down when he was near tenth floor,
he remembered he had no daughter named Sweety.
When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.
When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Laloo
When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.
When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Laloo
7) A Bania donated blood to an Arab, he gifted him Ferarri.
Bania again donated blood to him, He got Rs 20/-
Bania: What is this?Arab: Now I have your blood.
8) For dhoni Delhi govt give 2crores...........
For sachin Maharashtra govt give 2crores.......For sreesanth Kerala govt give 2rupees ration rice.
9) Boy:Mom,u told v r created by God and Dad said v have evolved frm Monkeys.
Hows it possible?Mom:Well.I told u about my side of family & He told U abt his.
10) A new prisoner comes to a prison cell.
Convicts: What has happened with you that you are here?Prisoner: I have broken a window on my job place.
Convicts: It's unbelievable! Where did you work?
Prisoner: On a submarine.
