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English Jokes :                  Home Page                 Page  No : 8




1) niku was traveling in a bus.

     suddenly the bus lost control & fell in a river.

     but niku kept searching for SOME ONE SPACIAL.....

     A man asked him to whom u r searching ?

     niku repllied : Conductor kahan hai 5 rs. lene hai....





2) wife : look at that drunk man.
    husband : who is he?
    wife : ten yrs (10)ago, he was my boy friend and i denied him
    from marriage.
    husband : oh my God, he is celebrating till now.





3) Three Ways of fast Communication
    1: Television 
    2: Telephone 
    3: Tell-a-women





4) Always think positive. How? 
    When a bird shits on you, just look into the sky while saying:
    'Thank God elephants don't fly.'





5)  You've got mail, the Blonde version
      A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.

     She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.

     The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".




6)  In mental hospital:

     patient 1: hey man, how will they paint such a big Aeroplane ?

     patient 2: it becomes small when it flies in sky, they will paint at that time.

     patient 1: you are a real genious.

     patient 2: you know but the people here doesnt know it.




7)  Arz kiya haii- Ap ke chehre par udaasi aur aankho mein nami haii ....
      - - - - - - - - - - TATA NAMAK Iztemaal karo, Ap me iodine ki kami haii .... !




8)  Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, 
      I keep  losing my temper with people.
      Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
      Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!




9)  In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. 
      One says to the other, "Why are you here?"
      The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here."
      The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you're Napoleon?"
      The second responds, "God told me I was."
      At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN'T!"




10)  A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, 
        "It seems I can't make any friends. 
         Can you help me, you fat slob?"


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English Jokes :             Home Page                 Page  No : 7





1)  Lecturer: how the motor will start??


       student: dudd..dudd...duudddd...
       duuddddduuudddddd.....duddddddddduuuuddddd






2) Teacher: Raju...tell me... who broke the shiva dhannush?????


      Raju: started crying and said....its not me mam....may be its ramu did that!!!




3) A husband comes home from SATSANG
      He Greets his wife and lifts her up,
      He then carries her around the house with a Smile.
      The wife is so surprised and asks..
      DID THE SWAMIJI PREACH ABOUT BEIN ROMANTIC TODAY ?
      Then husband says 'No, He said we must carry our Burdens 
      n Sorrows with a   SMILE :)






4) Children are very curious on all things.
      Once he asked his father: 'Papa, they say we are decendents of monkeys.
      Is it true?
      Father replied: "I don't know. I have't met your mother's people.




5) An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. 
      The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and
      tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA.
      Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!
      " Officer says "Yes."   Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him 
      when you took his picture.






6) Question: Dhoni asks Rohit to bring a Pepsi. Rohit brings the bottle,
       but takes it directly to Shewag.

      Why?
       -
       -
    Ans: Because Shewag is an opener.







7) Boy: Did you know that the most intelligent kid in our class is deaf?

     Girl: That is unfortunate.

     Boy: What did you say?

 


8) HOw mny hours of sleep is optimum..?

    Scientists all over d world hv come up with a unanimous answer..
    ..
    .,
   5 more mins.. ;-)






9) Sardar went to hotel manager hurriedly and said: Come with me.
     My wife wants to jump out of the window.

     Manager: Then what can I do sir?

     Sardar: Window is not opening.







10) A: I'm in a big trouble!
       B: Why is that?
      A: I saw a mouse in my house!
      B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
      A: I don't have one.
      B: Well then, buy one.
      A: Can't afford one.
      B: I can give you mine if you want.
      A: That sounds good.
      B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make 
      the mouse  come to the trap.
      A: I don't have any cheese.
      B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and
      put it in the trap.
     A: I don't have oil.
     B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
     A: I don't have bread.
     B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!



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 Hindi Jokes :                Home Page                    Page No : 6





1)  ग्राहक : इतने महंगे कांच के गिलास की क्या गारंटी है?
   दुकानदार बोला : इसे 8वीं मंजिल से फेंक दीजिए...गारंटी है कि 7वीं मंजिल तक आते-आते नहीं टूटेगा !




2)  चिंटू (गोलू से)- मेरे पापा बहुत डरपोक हैं।
गोलू (चिंटू से)- कैसे?
चिंटू- जब भी सड़क पार करते हैं, मेरी ऊंगली पकड़ लेते हैं।




3) डॉक्टर (मरीज से)- तुम इस दुनिया में अब सिर्फ दो घंटे के मेहमान हो। क्या तुम मरने से पहले किसी को देखना चाहते हो?
मरीज (डॉक्टर से)- जी हां।
डॉक्टर- किसे?
मरीज- एक अच्छे डॉक्टर को।





4) पत्नी (गुस्से में)- आज तक तुमने अपनी जिंदगी में किया ही क्या है?
पति (गर्व से)- मैंने अपना जीवन खुद बनाया है।
पत्नी- लो, और मैं हूं कि अब तक ईश्वर को दोष दे रही थी।



5)  बंता (संता से)- वो लड़की बहरी है।
संता (बंता से)- तुझे कैसे पता।
बंता- मैंने उसे आई लव यू कहा तो बोली, मैंने कल ही नया सैंडल खरीदा है।




6)  भिखारी (शर्मा जी से)- साहब मैं अपने परिवार से बिछड़ गया हूं। मिलने के लिए 150 रुपये चाहिए।
शर्मा जी (भिखारी से) - कहां है तेरा परिवार..
भिखारी- जी वो मल्टीप्लेक्स में फिल्म देख रहा है।




7)  Sweet insult!
     Ek ladka gadhe k samne gir
    gaya.
    Ek khubsurat ladki ne dekha aur
    kaha apne bade bhai k pair chu
    rahe ho?
    Ladka: ji bhabhi ji




8) Santa ka baap UK se aya

    Baap-Teri maa kaha he?
    Santa-Vo to mar gayi

    Baap-Saale tune muje Bataya Q nahi?
    Santa-Mene socha suirprize Du.



9)  We broke up..

Me and my

.
.
.
.
.
.

books !!!
.
bohot ho gaya tha yaar..
Hamare bich kuch undrstandng hi nahi ho rahi thi.. :




10)  Teacher to a small girl , "hi . what is your name ?"
        Girl , "Aishwarya "
        Teacher , "Ghar mein kaise bulathein hein ?"
        Innocent girl replies , " Agar paas me hothi tho Dheere se bulathein hein ............
        Agar Dhoor pe hothi tho Jhor se bulathein hein "
  

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 English Jokes :              Home Page                   Page  No : 6





1)  Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, 
       I keep losing my temper with people.
       Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
       Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!



2)  In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation.
     One says to the other, "Why are you here?"
     The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here."
     The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you're Napoleon?"
     The second responds, "God told me I was."
     At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN'T!"



3)  A guy goes in to see a psychologist.
     He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. 
     Can you help me, you fat slob?"



4)   what is Difference between a man buying a lottery & a man arguing with his wife/girlfriend ?
      Ans. A man buying a lottery has a chance to win !!




5) Lalwa, "My wife fell down in our water well, must be badly hurt
    and she was screaming a lot."
    Friend, "Oh what a mishap, but how is she now?"
    Lalwa, " I guess she must be fine, I don't hear any scream from well any more."




6)  Lalwa saw a wooden notice board in the middle of the big pond and had forgotten
     his eye glasses at  home. He could not read, so he swam all the way to the board and read,

     "Lake infiltrated with killing Crocodiles, do not swim."



7)  Actor Balvinder kapoor to his Friend : Hey watch my movie on TV
     Friend : Ohh but there is no Power !
     Balvinder : Hey Dude put candle and watch ...whats wrong.




8)  when you feel sad, go infront of mirror.
     look at yourself and say "I am so cute. u will smile automatically.
     but dont make it habbit because ...
      roz - 2 mazak acha nahi



9)  Differen b/w rain in india n dubai:
     In dubai,after rain,the water disappears in 5 mins..
     In india, after rain,the road disappears in 5 mins!



10)   I was rejected at a job interview bcoz
        when i was asked to give an example of gud team work
        i replied MASS BUNK..!!

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